I try to focus on things I like. I think about simple things. Simple things make me feel comfortable, simple small and everyday things make me bear harder things.
I try to think about small things that make me feel better, that make feel better. I start to write a list.
Strawberry.
Strong sour Chinese soup.
Buying something to my sister, seeing her face when giving it to her.
Series.
Music.
Books.
Chocolate.
Arts.
Crafting.
Money I make by selling things I crafted.
Notebooks.
Writing.
Forests.
Walking in the silence.
Simple and functional clothes.
Calmness.
A beer after a good dinner.
Coffee with cigarettes.
Cheese.
Rules.
Systems.
Breaking the rules.
Breaking the systems.
Creating.
Destroying.
Beauty.
A good sleep.
Learning.
Exploring.
Observing.
The worlds come easily they are simple and fast and running into my head and running out of it. They come from the inside they were under my skin my bones into my cells they are my essentials they are natural they are me.
The flow goes away and I wish I could continue the list. I wish I could look into myself again I want to see myself longer and clearer but this is all for now.
I think about things I don't like. It's not so easy as the things I like so I force it. I begin the list.
Forcing.
Lightning.
Cold and wet clothes.
Uncomfortable clothes.
People not looking into my eyes while talking.
Shouting.
Raging.
I stop here. My mind begins to block. I force it. It is blocked. I force it. There's something inside I see I feel it is there but there's someone or something that doesn't let me see those things it hides them I don't know why but it hides them and starts to shout and rage and hurt when I try to force it and gets angrier and angrier. I force it it blocks and pushes me back I'm getting angrier and angrier.
Anger.
It.
The thing that blocks my feelings.
The thing that doesn't let me see myself.
That Monster.
That is a fucking raging shouting crawling Monster.
The Monster.
I hate the Monster.
The Monster.
I try to think about small things that make me feel better, that make feel better. I start to write a list.
Strawberry.
Strong sour Chinese soup.
Buying something to my sister, seeing her face when giving it to her.
Series.
Music.
Books.
Chocolate.
Arts.
Crafting.
Money I make by selling things I crafted.
Notebooks.
Writing.
Forests.
Walking in the silence.
Simple and functional clothes.
Calmness.
A beer after a good dinner.
Coffee with cigarettes.
Cheese.
Rules.
Systems.
Breaking the rules.
Breaking the systems.
Creating.
Destroying.
Beauty.
A good sleep.
Learning.
Exploring.
Observing.
The worlds come easily they are simple and fast and running into my head and running out of it. They come from the inside they were under my skin my bones into my cells they are my essentials they are natural they are me.
The flow goes away and I wish I could continue the list. I wish I could look into myself again I want to see myself longer and clearer but this is all for now.
I think about things I don't like. It's not so easy as the things I like so I force it. I begin the list.
Forcing.
Lightning.
Cold and wet clothes.
Uncomfortable clothes.
People not looking into my eyes while talking.
Shouting.
Raging.
I stop here. My mind begins to block. I force it. It is blocked. I force it. There's something inside I see I feel it is there but there's someone or something that doesn't let me see those things it hides them I don't know why but it hides them and starts to shout and rage and hurt when I try to force it and gets angrier and angrier. I force it it blocks and pushes me back I'm getting angrier and angrier.
Anger.
It.
The thing that blocks my feelings.
The thing that doesn't let me see myself.
That Monster.
That is a fucking raging shouting crawling Monster.
The Monster.
I hate the Monster.
The Monster.
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