I have one hour left. Right now I don't feel like going out. No. No no no no no fucking no please no please let me stay. Please let me stay at home in my bed in my mind please let me, please. My stomach hurts and burns burns burns, I burn. I want to cry I want to beg I want to stay.
They will hate me they will treat me as I deserve to be treated I'm a liar and I'm not any one's friend and I don't care about the others I only care about myself. They won't understand no no no they won't understand any of my words they won't believe me they won't believe I feel sick.
I feel sick.
I feel sick.
I feel so, so sick.
I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling sick and I'm tired of being tired.
Now I feel like I want to drink, drink, drink and forget, just drink and forget, let me die under the clear clear starry sky, let me die because I want to drink and I want to forget. I want to forget my past and my present and my future and the hope of my future I want to forget the dreams I've dreamed and the people I've met in my dreams and I felt that I knew them from somewhere even if I've never ever met them in real life. I want to forget my name and my age and my anger and hate and every memory I've ever had I just want to forget. I want my brain to be like a white sheet but a sheet that stays white forever and ever. I want to be air and want to be sky and want to be a hundred year old tree in a rain forest hidden hidden hidden from the world alone, alone, alone.
I have one hour left. I'm deadly exhausted.
I call my friend. I want to tell her that I can't go. The phone rings but there's no answer.
I was brave for only one moment and now I pray her not to call me back I don't want to talk.
She sends me a message few minutes later tells me she's already there and asks me to join and call her when I'm there, too. I don't answer the message so she calls me. I wait for five seconds and answer the phone.
She asks me when I arrive and I say I don't know if I can go. She asks me why I say I'm tired and angry and just because I don't want to. She tells me to be there and hang up the phone. Like I said nothing.
They will hate me they will treat me as I deserve to be treated I'm a liar and I'm not any one's friend and I don't care about the others I only care about myself. They won't understand no no no they won't understand any of my words they won't believe me they won't believe I feel sick.
I feel sick.
I feel sick.
I feel so, so sick.
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| Bob the BPD Bird from Pinterest |
Now I feel like I want to drink, drink, drink and forget, just drink and forget, let me die under the clear clear starry sky, let me die because I want to drink and I want to forget. I want to forget my past and my present and my future and the hope of my future I want to forget the dreams I've dreamed and the people I've met in my dreams and I felt that I knew them from somewhere even if I've never ever met them in real life. I want to forget my name and my age and my anger and hate and every memory I've ever had I just want to forget. I want my brain to be like a white sheet but a sheet that stays white forever and ever. I want to be air and want to be sky and want to be a hundred year old tree in a rain forest hidden hidden hidden from the world alone, alone, alone.
I have one hour left. I'm deadly exhausted.
I call my friend. I want to tell her that I can't go. The phone rings but there's no answer.
I was brave for only one moment and now I pray her not to call me back I don't want to talk.
She sends me a message few minutes later tells me she's already there and asks me to join and call her when I'm there, too. I don't answer the message so she calls me. I wait for five seconds and answer the phone.
She asks me when I arrive and I say I don't know if I can go. She asks me why I say I'm tired and angry and just because I don't want to. She tells me to be there and hang up the phone. Like I said nothing.
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